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She struggled fiercely not to give way. If only this child were his: what good times they would have together! The thought passed on, but it left a little ache in his heart. 153 The halls emptied with special urgency as teens rushed forth into heated cars and buses to make the mad dash home before the coming storm. She knew that in her new rôle she was as likely as not to be a rank failure. “We don’t let to ladies,” they said. Three a week is my allowance, and, if I get short ones, four. Dear me, what a difference it has made! No one would ever think that we were sisters. But I see now. She was never able to trace the changes her attitude had undergone, from the time when she believed herself to be the pampered Queen of Fortune, the crown of a good man’s love (and secretly, but nobly, worshipping some one else), to the time when she realized she was in fact just a mannequin for her lover’s imagination, and that he cared no more for the realities of her being, for the things she felt and desired, for the passions and dreams that might move her, than a child cares for the sawdust in its doll. I'm one of those unfortunate duffers who have too much imagination—the kind who build their own chimeras and then run away from them. It was not due to shyness: it was the inherent instinct of the Woman, a protective fear that she must retain some elements of mystery in order to hold the interest of the male. When Claude Du Val was in Newgate thrown, He carved his name on the dungeon stone; Quoth a dubsman, who gazed on the shattered wall, "You have carved your epitaph, Claude Du Val, With your chisel so fine, tra la!" "This S wants a little deepening," mused the apprentice, retouching the letter in question; "ay, that's better. He had barely said, \"Anytime,\" before she shut the door rather rudely in his face.
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